insomnia

Occasionally I will get out my journals, past and present, and read through all of my former thoughts. Some of those thoughts, both trivial and critical, seem to loiter in my not-so-subconcious. It seems that whenever I have trouble sleeping at night I am taken back to the question "why am i so much more fatalistic at night?" I have, in the past, mused all over and about this question, and I like to revisit it from time to time. I am not sure if it is the inherent darkness of the nighttime, or if I am simply emotionally more vulnerable after a long day, or if I just have more time to think, but I know for certain that most rash decisions are made at night. My mind will travel down extreme paths much more easily. What seemed so necessary late at night will, six hours later, seem ridiculous and excessive. I do not think I am alone in this. There is something about the night that is at the same time romantic, frightening, and cold. An evolutionary psychologist might hypothesize that since humans are not nocturnal, and therefore as a species have developed with a natural aversion to nighttime behavior. The night would have been more dangerous and unfamiliar, and although we have developed socially, technologically and the like, the nighttime still arouses thoughts and emotions of a stronger, more extreme nature. Whether or not this line of thought has merit, it is interesting. Evolutionary psychology is a fascinating deal. Anyway, I digress. Whatever the reasons may be, midnight musings almost always take on a more intense tone. I find it useful to remember this and to check myself before acting on this ruminations. Otherwise I end up doing things like traveling to other states.....without telling anyone.....in the middle of the night.....in the middle of the week.....without much money. Yeah, its happened twice. Good thing I am becoming more self aware. Maybe next time I start to get crazy ideas I will just blog instead. That seems to work a whole lot better.....